Coin Slot

It's not like I'm a fashionista or the ultimate purveyor of the hottest new look, but there is one particularly disturbing trend that I feel I must speak up about. Made famous by a "Saturday Night Live" fake commercial starring teen queen Lindsay Lohan was the 'coin slot ass' jeans. Ladies, you know what I'm talking about. It's those pair of low-rise, one size too small jeans that women squeeze themsleves into so that when they sit down, especially on a bar stool, the top part of the crack of their ass is on display to the viewing world. And yes, it looks like a coin slot.

I dared one of the waiters the other night to put a quarter down this one girl's slot just to teach her a lesson, but he chickened out. I even took an informal survey of the six guys I work with and pointed to her exposed crack (it even sounds gross) and asked them if they thought that was attractive in any way. Five out of the six said no.

Ladies, here's the deal. Those tight pants that don't cover the top of your bootie look terrible, so please considering covering the coin slot up. In a moment of exasperation I quench my thirst with: Watermelon Martini 1 part Watermelon Pucker, 1 part Stoli Vodka, splash of pineapple, dash of chambord.